Thomas Hill Pray the Gay Away

Someone stole all of my sunshine.
Spirit and smile plucked straight from these hands.
Some man of heaven, holy.
Moved all my sunshine and my stardust
My dusk and my dawn gone.

This world,
Is black sky of lonely lurking up above
I’ve been wandering these galaxies looking for my me
I’ve been so[u]lar searching
There’s a selfish sinister of a something,
that stole my sunshine straight from these hands.
I am holy lamb of a boy.
Bones broken open,
to bleed out these rainbows.
Everybody knows
No color of the rainbow can render themselves righteous in the dark
So someone took all my sunshine.
and I am still not sure whether it be God or Ghoul
Whether it be “amen”, or a man
too greedy for his own damn good.
Something putrid of a prey,
tried to pray my sky away.
Praise the blackness!
I can’t see myself in the dark
Dusk and dawn gone
Praise the Holy Ghost!
Westboro baptist babies
babbling barbaric bigotry
I heard that only something biblical can bear such destruction.
Praise the communion!
Body and blood stripped bare
for some shadow of salvation
Praise the repent
and the sin
and the repent 
and the sin 
and the repent 
and the sin
Save Me!
I’m six hail Mary’s away from last Saturday night.
Praise the night!
And all the of the liberation it denies me.
Praise the repent!
The back bent and obedient body.
Praise this body!
It no longer belongs to me,
not as if it ever has
since the day my sunshine was stolen
I’ve been holy lamb of a boy.
Hallelujah he seems to be Cured!

Cured of what?

This blood, is an itch.
Cancer in every capillary.
I’ve been scratching my skin raw,
trying to make myself pure.
Maybe then, 
My father would hug me,
as tight as he does his bible.

Without my sunshine,
Without my rainbow.
Coffins are looking more bed than box.
Nuces, don’t seem to be such neuisance If wrapped around my neck.
Neck deep in holy water I’m drowning.
You said, you’d pray this plague away.
Pray this sunshine and sin.
This killer of a color away.
Dusk and dawn gone.
Come come child,
Let this biblical bleach out those pesky rainbows
Bow down to the Alter
Alter yourself straight 
Don’t need no sunshine for your salvation
Welcome to the dark side.

Analysis

I chose "Pray the Gay Away," Honestly when pastor's pray for you they try and pray the gay out of you. My thing is how can you pray something that doesn't really need to be prayed away but just needs to genuinely be loved. Not because of a Sexual orientation or preference but because WE are human beings as well as heterosexual beings.  Thomas said, Someone stole all of my sunshine. Spirit and smile plucked straight from these hands. Some man of heaven, holy. Moved all my sunshine and my stardust My dusk and my dawn gone." Thomas is basically saying that because a preacher has prayed over him and asked God to take away his sin of being gay that the pastor was praying away his happiness and joy. His well being the man who he is and still is becoming. In this spoken word Thomas uses metaphor.  Thomas said, I’ve been scratching my skin raw, trying to make myself pure. Maybe then, My father would hug me, as tight as he does his bible." Thomas compare himself to the bible because his father is so holy and goes by the bible and doesn't care how his son is living. He wants his son to be a man. He wants his son to marry a woman and not go around claiming he is gay. Thomas wants his father love  regardless of his lifestyle or people trying to make him change into the person they want him to be. 

Thomas is going through I would say is a traumatic time for him because he is being publicly ridiculed by being prayed over by the pastor. Thomas said, Praise the repent and the sin and the repent  and the sin  and the repent and the sin
Save Me!" The people in the church is praying over Thomas praising the fact that he is repenting and he probably was forced to be prayed his sin away. I've been embarrassed in front of a church before. The pastor started talking about LGBT youth and me and my friends walked out the church and as we were leaving the pastor pointed at us and said see there they go. That was the most humiliating experience for me. 

Thomas spoke these words saying, "Pray this sunshine and sin. This killer of a color away. Dusk and dawn gone. Come come child, Let this biblical bleach out those pesky rainbows Bow down to the Alter; Alter yourself straight  Don’t need no sunshine for your salvation Welcome to the dark side." The people in the church basically wanted the gay sin in him to go away and they wanted him to be straight. They want him to stop pronouncing against God and be who " God wanted him to be." Which in their eyes felt he needed to be straight and marry and Eve. Why because God made Adam and Eve and not Steve and Steve or Eve and Eve. 

Lee Mokobe A powerful poem about what it feels like to be transgender

“The first time I uttered a prayer was in a glass-stained cathedral.
I was kneeling long after the congregation was on its feet,
dip both hands into holy water,
trace the trinity across my chest,
my tiny body drooping like a question mark
all over the wooden pew.
I asked Jesus to fix me,
and when he did not answer
I befriended silence in the hopes that my sin would burn
and salve my mouth would dissolve like sugar on tongue,
but shame lingered as an aftertaste.
And in an attempt to reintroduce me to sanctity,
my mother told me of the miracle I was,
said I could grow up to be anything I want.
I decided to be a boy.
It was cute.
I had snapback, toothless grin,
used skinned knees as street cred,
played hide and seek with what was left of my goal.
I was it.

The winner to a game the other kids couldn’t play,
I was the mystery of an anatomy,
a question asked but not answered,
tightroping between awkward boy and apologetic girl,
and when I turned 12, the boy phase wasn’t deemed cute anymore.
It was met with nostalgic aunts who missed seeing my knees in the shadow of skirts,
who reminded me that my kind of attitude would never bring a husband home,
that I exist for heterosexual marriage and child-bearing.
And I swallowed their insults along with their slurs.
Naturally, I did not come out of the closet.
The kids at my school opened it without my permission.
Called me by a name I did not recognize,
said “lesbian,”
but I was more boy than girl, more Ken than Barbie.

It had nothing to do with hating my body,
I just love it enough to let it go,
I treat it like a house,
and when your house is falling apart,
you do not evacuate,
you make it comfortable enough to house all your insides,
you make it pretty enough to invite guests over,
you make the floorboards strong enough to stand on.

My mother fears I have named myself after fading things.
As she counts the echoes left behind by Mya Hall, Leelah Alcorn, Blake Brockington.
She fears that I’ll die without a whisper,
that I’ll turn into “what a shame” conversations at the bus stop.
She claims I have turned myself into a mausoleum,
that I am a walking casket,
news headlines have turned my identity into a spectacle,
Bruce Jenner on everyone’s lips while the brutality of living in this body
becomes an asterisk at the bottom of equality pages.

No one ever thinks of us as human
because we are more ghost than flesh,
because people fear that my gender expression is a trick,
that it exists to be perverse,
that it ensnares them without their consent,
that my body is a feast for their eyes and hands
and once they have fed off my queer,
they’ll regurgitate all the parts they did not like.

They’ll put me back into the closet, hang me with all the other skeletons.
I will be the best attraction.

Can you see how easy it is to talk people into coffins,
to misspell their names on gravestones.
And people still wonder why there are boys rotting,
they go away in high school hallways
they are afraid of becoming another hashtag in a second
afraid of classroom discussions becoming like judgment day
and now oncoming traffic is embracing more transgender children than parents.

I wonder how long it will be
before the trans suicide notes start to feel redundant,
before we realize that our bodies become lessons about sin
way before we learn how to love them.
Like God didn’t save all this breath and mercy,
like my blood is not the wine that washed over Jesus’ feet.
My prayers are now getting stuck in my throat.

Maybe I am finally fixed,
maybe I just don’t care,
maybe God finally listened to my prayers.”

I chose "A powerful poem about what it feels like to be transgender." This is a very powerful spoken word based on the way how Christians act toward lgbt people always throwing the bible in there face. Lee expresses how him being in a catholic church praying for his sins because being "lesbian" at the time is a sin. Lee sates, “The first time I uttered a prayer was in a glass-stained cathedral. I was kneeling long after the congregation was on its feet, dip both hands into holy water, trace the trinity across my chest, my tiny body drooping like a question mark all over the wooden pew. Lee uses metaphor when he says, I asked Jesus to fix me, and when he did not answer. I befriended silence in the hopes that my sin would burn and salve my mouth would dissolve like sugar on tongue, but shame lingered as an aftertaste." To me Lee is expressing his out cry to God to fix him of his sins of being a lesbian. Lee wanted God to fix him the way she felt she needed to be fixed maybe because of what people have told him about his lifestyle or mainly of him just being who he was meant to be in God's eyes.  I have experienced that when people told me that I was going to hell because I was a lesbian and I was not what God saw me as because the sin I bore was not pleased by God and that he loved me less. Lee uses simile in her spoken word he says, It had nothing to do with hating my body, I just love it enough to let it go, I treat it like a house, and when your house is falling apart, you do not evacuate, you make it comfortable enough to house all your insides, you make it pretty enough to invite guests over, you make the floorboards strong enough to stand on." Lee says he treats his body like a house to me a house is supposed to be kept clean and safe and filled with peace.  He says when you are falling apart you don't just up and run you stay and tidy everything back up and keep it pushing. meaning to me is your feelings, your heart mind and soul. Life lessons can either break you or lift you up. It's your choice to either keep it pushing or allow it to break you. 

Lee loves who he has become now as a transgender he doesn't try and sugar coat things he believe in who he is and most of all he believes God made no mistakes when he decided to be who he felt in his heart he was meant to be. Lee loves who he is a person and as a male. Your clothes doesn't define who you are as a human being your heart does. Lee spoke, Maybe I am finally fixed, maybe I just don’t care, maybe God finally listened to my prayers.” Lee feels that God already answered his prayers because he can stand up and be proud of who he is and love who he is. God loves who Lee is as a person. God looks at the heart not at anything else but if We as people LOVE not only ourselves but also others. 

Ethan Smith A Letter to the girl I used to be

Dear Emily,

Every time I watch baseball a voice
I no longer recognize whispers
“Ethan, do you remember?
When you were gonna be the first girl in the major leagues-
Seattle Mariners. Rally cap.”

To be honest, Emily, I don’t.
Dad told me that like it was someone else’s bedtime story.

But I know you had that drive,
didn’t let anyone tell you to wear shorts above your knees
didn’t care if boys thought your hair fell on your shoulders just right
but with girls
sleepovers meant the space between your shoulder and hers was a 6-inch fatal territory.

The year you turned eleven was the first time you said out loud
that you didn’t want to live anymore.
In therapy you said you wouldn’t make it to 21.
On my 21st birthday I thought about you,
you were right.

At nineteen you started to fade.
I tried to cross you out like a line
in my memoir I wished I could erase completely.
And maybe I’m misunderstanding the definition of death
but even though parts of you still exist you are not here-
most of my friends have never heard your name until now.

I’ve been trying to write this letter for six months.
I still can’t decide if it should be an apology or not.
But now you will never hear “Emily Smith” announced at a college graduation,
get married, have children.

I made the appointment,
to let a doctor remove your breasts so that
I could stand up straighter.
Now even if I somehow had those children,
I wouldn’t be able to nourish them.
My body will be obsolete,
scarred cosmetic, but never C-section.

I was four days late
they will never be grandparents
I was one week late
they will never hold their lover’s sleeping figure.
I was eleven days late
they will never breathe in a sunset and sunrise in the same night.
I was two weeks late
they will never learn to jump rope.
I was three weeks late
they will never shout “Watch Mommy! Watch me on the slide!

I was two months late.
A piece of us will never wrap their arms around our leg for comfort,
or just to keep them from falling down.

And I am, sorry,
that this process is so slow
and all you can do is wonder if you ever had a place.
You did.
You still do.
Don’t forget that.

Yours,
Ethan

p.s. I never hated you.

Analysis

I chose " A letter to the girl I use to be" because if you don't understand what it is like being trapped inside of the wrong body you will never understand a transgender man. This spoken word is about a male who is writing to the younger girl version of himself who name is Emily. The reason I chose the pronoun he is because transgender male or female prefer you to use the perfect pronoun pertaining to who they are now as a human being. So Ethan is going back into the days where his name use to be "Emily". In the poem Ethan states, "Every time I watch baseball a voice I no longer recognize whispers “Ethan, do you remember? When you were gonna be the first girl in the major leagues-Seattle Mariners. Rally cap.”  Ethan is referring to the inner voice that use to be him as a young girl who name use to be Emily. Emily was reminding Ethan about the time when he was young and he wanted to be the first girl baseball league player. Ethan uses simile in her spoken word when she stated, At nineteen you started to fade. I tried to cross you out like a line in my memoir I wished I could erase completely. And maybe I’m misunderstanding the definition of death but even though parts of you still exist you are not here-most of my friends have never heard your name until now." To me Ethan was trying to forget how he use to be Emily so he tried to kill her out his life by not thinking of her and focus more on becoming his true self Ethan. 

Ethan's memory of Emily is fading because he choose to escape his hostage life of remaining a girl when in reality he was feeling like his voice was not being heard but the rememberance of Emily kept showing up in his life. Ethan said,  made the appointment, to let a doctor remove your breasts so that I could stand up straighter." Ethan was referring to him taking the charge for once in life to remove his breast so he can be proud of who he wanted to honestly be seen as which is Ethan Smith and not Emily Smith. Ethan felt trapped in the wrong body. HE wanted to feel free so he removed his breast. Ethan also said My body will be obsolete, scarred cosmetic, but never C-section." What he meant was at least his body will be the way he wanted it to be and not that of a female any more. Ethan wanted to walk in his truth. 

Favorite Color by Jay Davis

Mom,
I wish I knew your favorite color.
The only one of God's many crayons that gets you to sit up straighter.
To unbraid your spine from a roach egg infested headboard.
I bet its red.
Like a sea I've never seen
But hear quite often in your voice late at night.
If it is,
I will strip my skin off my body.
Bare crimson flesh.
I'm sure that you'd look at me more often
If I was the color that makes you smile.
 
But maybe it's blue.
A sky light shade that can only be achieved by swallowing the saltiest sea
I will drown in the Pacific Ocean for a kiss on my corpse cheek
Because I often forget you have lips.
Only reminded when the moon gets home before I do
They bite.
Sting like thunderclaps
And you are oblivious to this. 
 
Tell me it's black.
I will have no problem with ripping out these weak strands of hair
And stitching them to the left side of your chest
So you can feel your pulse in my scalp.
Except I know you were never one to wade in the dark.
That leaves white as my next option.
If this is in fact your favorite color
I will be forced to Novocain myself speechless.
Pull my teeth one by one out of my mouth and into my palm
Fist full of smiles that I usually only bless silence with.
I have a low tolerance for pain
But masochism would be worth it.
 
You love on a grayscale.
Like a schizophrenic paraplegic
Is it because your seven siblings stripped the rainbow from your throat.
Each draining a different color from the sky in your sound.
A shaky squeak left in a scraped up voice box
I can barely hear.
I want you to know
That there is Technicolor lining the insides of my elbows
So hug me, Mom.
Pretend that you like me long enough to capture the ultraviolet in my flesh.
Suffocate me
Caved in shoulders and a rising bosom
Squeeze the life out of me so that you can see rainbows again
Don't see it as a homicide
But a sacrifice for the greater good.
 
I know that now you probably think I'm crazy
That this is just another one of my phases.
But I'm not crazy, Mom.
Humans just have crazy tendencies when we want someone to love us.
I want you to stop living in black and white images.
Pay close attention to the movement in your children's pigment.
Maybe that way, you'll finally see that all five of us are in fact your favorite color.



Source:http://www.hbo.com/russell-simmons-presents-brave-new-voices/cast-and-crew/team-new-york/article/favorite-color-by-jay-davis.html

I chose "Favorite Color" it speaks tremendous volumns especially what LGBT youth, and adults experincing young until they are teens ,and now adulthood. This poet expresses pain and heartache in this poem. I can understand where she is coming from because I have witness some horrible things pertaining to the LGBT community. Reading the words and actually listening to the author speak to her mom looking for her to love her for who she is and not treating her like an outcast can be heartbreaking. It is also overwhelming at times. The poets states, "I'm sure that you'd look at me more often If I was the color that makes you smile." The poet is comparing herself to color trying to decipher what color can her mom see's her as that will shine her love for her daughter instead of black and white images because her love is fading. 
The poet uses simile in this poem to create her setting and it reveals how she humbly feels toward her mom. The pain she endures as she speaks voice trembling because she wants to be loved and excepted not tolerated. The poet says, "You love on a gray scale. Like a schizophrenic paraplegic Is it because your seven siblings stripped the rainbow from your throat. Each draining a different color from the sky in your sound." To me she is saying her mom either loves her less or rarely shows any type of love and affection. Her mom is like a schizophrenic paralegic meaning she is delusional and she has withdrawn from her daughter because she is gay. The poet also says, I know that now you probably think I'm crazy That this is just another one of my phases. But I'm not crazy, Mom.



Humans just have crazy tendencies when we want someone to love us." Her mom must have told her being gay is just a phase she is going through. The poet's mom could even tell her that she is confused. The poet wants her mom to understand her pain and understand that all she wants is for her to love her just the way she is because your sexual orientation don't define the character you uphold.

Simply Love by Notokinthehead

There’s a fierceness
In her eyes.
It scares me,
Intimidates me, ultimately
It makes me
High.

There’s a fire
In her touch.
It burns me,
Hurts me, like
An arsonist I
Can’t get enough.

She pushes me down,
Then lifts me up.
She pushes me around,
All in the name of love.
I want to walk away,
She pulls me right back.
I convince myself no more, no way,
But I’ve found myself on a one-way track.

There’s a tenderness
In her embrace.
It warms me,
Comforts me, our
Love is hereby
God’s Dear Grace.

Source: https://notokinthehead.wordpress.com/tag/poem/




Analysis

I chose "Simply Love" because this poem expresses how I truly feel about someone I met recently this year in class and we sat next to each other. What turned out to be a brief conversation turned into something more.  The lyrics to this poem has some elements to it also figuerative language. This poem is about the burning sensation of love.  Love is our everyday test to overcome and achieve. The speaker's reaction to Love shows the passion she recieves and the burning fire of love that has captured her. The love in this poem makes you wonder to me about your first love or a love you haven't ever experienced before.  

Notokinthehead tone in this poem is deep passionatly felt love between two woman. Also I would think that Notokinthehead is speaking in a tone of fear. For example the poet says, There’s a fierceness In her eyes. It scares me, Intimidates me, ultimately It makes me High.” To me the poet is saying something about the woman’s eyes is intense and loving it scares the poet. The poet also describe the love to be capturing. Throwing her around with the love of the woman. The poet says, There’s fire she pushes me down, then lifts me up. She pushes me around, All in the name of love. I want to walk away, she pulls me right back, I convince myself no more, no way, But I’ve found myself on a one-way track.” The poet is also saying no matter how much she tries to escape this woman’s love she is drawn back to this woman and everything between them starts from the beginning again like nothing ever stop the love that they shared between each other. When the poet say I convince myself no more no way to me she is saying she tells herself that she doesn’t want anymore of her love there is no possible way her love will find the poet. I can relate to that because I try and convince myself not to fall for this woman but her love captivates me and that is something I have never felt before. You can say the poet uses simile in this poem like when she states, “There’s a fire in her touch. It burns me, Hurts me, Like an Arsonist I can’t get enough.”  What she is saying to me is the love she retrieves from this woman burns because the poet feeling the same burning desire in herself for this woman. She can’t get enough of it this woman’s love no matter how much she escapes this woman’s love her love draws the poet back and not letting her go.

I believe that the poet is trying to escape the love of a woman who truly loves her just the way she is. Also the woman has captured the poet’s heart. In both the ending sentences of 2 and 3 the author states, She pushes me down, then lifts me up. She pushes me around, All in the name of love. I want to walk away, She pulls me right back. I convince myself no more, no way, but I’ve found myself on a one-way track.” Notokinthehead is to me expressing how the woman’s love continues to capture her heart by her loving her so deeply and unconditionally. The woman’s love just captivates her heart because the love Notokinthehead has experienced is something she probably haven’t ever felt love the way she felt with this woman.